This is a crucial time and you may only have one shot to get this right, so let me walk you through how to approach your spouse or partner when they have left you and you want to get them back and into counseling.
1. The goal of your conversation needs to be all about listening to them and their needs.
2. Then you must reiterate to them that your goal for going to counseling is NOT to beg them to stay or come back to you.
3. Your goal for this entire process is to support them in whatever decision they make.
4. Do not talk a mile a minute. Write down the overwhelming thoughts and work out what you want to say BEFORE you have the conversation with them. Have the difficult conversations in the session with the counselor.
5. Do not attempt to bring up the problems without guidance because you may only have one shot.
You want to say, “I love you, but I want you to be happy and if being happy means you have to be apart, you don’t want that, but you will do it for them, so they can find what they need”. Listen. Don't talk. Don't blame. Don't demand. Listen.
Say, "I am really sad that you are hurting. I want to do what I can to help you not hurt anymore. I think counseling will help me, help you."
If you have children you need to let your partner know that it would be really important for the kids to see mom and dad getting along so they don’t blame themselves.
Do not beg. Do not plead.
If they decide to not come to counseling you must come on your own. If you need to do a phone call, Skype, or FaceTime. Do it.